Time Warp

Is there a rip in the space-time continuem? Is relativity only relativly relevent?
How does one explain the wierd warping of time that I'm experiencing these days?
I'm refering to a phemonenon which you yourself may have been experiencing recently; each day is seeming to stretch out to eternity, but the weeks are flying by.
It's the "How can it only be Tuesday. How can it nearly be Christmas" syndrome.
I blame daylight saving time. Things are never the same after the clocks go back. It's not a Good Thing when daylight starts keeping bankers hours. That's not to say that the sun takes a half day on Wednesdays, unless of course you are a denizen of Shetlandica, in which case it does, and on all the other days too.
It just isn't a good feeling when it's dark before you get home from work. The day feels over before there's a chance to get anything done...work doesn't count as getting anything done you'll notice.
Just as well there's a steady stream of festivities to keep the spirits up. Hallowe'en went well, Duncan Frapples made an appearance. Bonfire night went with a bang (groan).
Next up it's off to Hanover for a fancy dress party. This is what happens when one gets involved with Shetlandicers. They'll happily travel half way across the continent for an excuse to put on a costume and have a knees up.
I can see it now..."Lets do the timewarp again....."

Nostalgia

Aint what it used tobe. The old ones are...well, very old now, sorry.
Memory lane weekend.
It started off whith the Viking Princess getting download fever and ripping loads of dance music off the net. Wonderful thing broadband.
I have no moral stance on downloading dance music as it all seems to be rip-offs of other stuff anyway.
Eventually though curiosity got the better of me and I investigated some of the old bands I have on vinyl stored up in the loft. I've always meant to convert these LPs to CD, but let's face it, its much easier to download a clean copy than convert the crackly one. I would like to think that having already purchased the music in one format then downloading the same tunes in another format is morally defensible. I suspect that I may be kidding myself on that score though. Still it's nice to hear the old stuff again.
Next up a trip to Rothes for a wee pub crawl. 4 pubs hardly even counts. Two of the four have changed hands since I left and the owners don't even recognise me in my "local". The Holsten Pils was out of date, and the Chinese shuts early. The place has gone to the dogs.
Next up went to the dog myself, popped in to say hello to Storm. Who would deny a guy a visit to his first dogs grave? Well probably the owners of my old house thats who. You don't live in a place for years without knowing ways to sneak into the garden though.
Hellos and Goodbyes said and back in Strath by Sunday lunchtime.
Fire on, feet up, footie on the radio. Bliss.

Janet and John: Janet Gets A New Car

Janet is getting a new car today. Do you like cars? Janet does.
What kind is it, asks John.
It's silver replies Janet. John thinks Janet is joking. Do you think Janet was joking?
Is it like my car, asks John.
Its a lot better than that old wreck, says Janet.
What's wrong with my car, asks John.
It's full of bottles and jars and meters and jackets and the seat covers are full of mud off the dog, says Janet.
Will there be seat covers in your new car for the dog, asks John.
Can you growl like a dog? Janet can.
Janet shows John a picture of the car. John likes the new car. It is silver, with a very good stereo.
John knows what he likes when it comes to cars. It's a very good stereo.
We can listen to very loud heavy metal music when we are driving, says John.
Can you shout like heavy metal singers? Janet can.
Didn't you want a four by four like a Vitara or a Trooper or something. John doesn't know many car names.
Yes but I liked this one when I saw it and it's a lot bigger, says Janet.
Does size matter, wouldn't you rather get good performance, asks John.
One or the other might be nice, says Janet. Do you think Janet is talking about cars?
Janet goes off to get her new car.
A little while later the phone rings. Its Janet.
A warning light came on in the new car before I'd even gone a mile, says Janet. I've got a little Micra as a courtesy car until they check the other one out.
Would have been better off getting the four by four, says John.
Can you swear like a trooper? Janet can.

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Editor's note: The management would like to point out that all characters and plots in this publication are completely fictional and bear no resemblance to any persons or real life events, and I'm sure the car will be great...when it comes.